英语笑话

新生儿

The New Baby Mr．and Mrs．Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat．Now Mrs．Taylor was expecting another child． Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too． One evening Mr．and Mrs．Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival．“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr．Taylor． Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about？”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered． “ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly．“ He'll follow us there．” 泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。 帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。 一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。” 帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么？”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。” “那没用，”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。”

绝配

A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman. Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous. Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son."Dad, “says the son, there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly？" "Son”, the father replies, I painted the vase." 一个富有的主妇很是骄傲因为她收藏了一件非常有价值的古董花瓶，于是她决定把卧室粉刷成与花瓶同样的颜色。许多油漆匠都试图尽力与花瓶的颜色匹配，但是没有任何人能做得 让那古怪的女人满意的。 一个油漆匠很自信他能做到，最终他成功了。那个主妇很满意，于是这个油漆匠也变得很出名。 多年以后，油漆匠要退休了，他把自己的生意交给儿子去经营。“爸爸”儿子问“我还有些事情想知道，你怎么能把墙粉刷得和花瓶的颜色那么相配？”“儿子”爸爸回答到“我只不过是把花瓶刷了。”

新西兰的气候

The Climate of New Zealand Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen! 老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样? 马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。 老师：错了。 马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

Whose father was the stronger

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it." Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!" 维尔和比尔在争吵，谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。维尔说：“你知道太平洋吗？那个坑是我爸爸挖的。” 比尔不屑地说：“那没什么。你知道死海吗？ 那是我爸爸打死的。”