英语笑话

Mother's revenge 妈妈的报复

After two weeks of Air Force basic training. I called home. "You wouldn't believe how strict they are," I complained. "They even give demerits for things like not hanging your towel straight or not tightening the cap of your toothpaste properly." "Well, dear," my mom responded, "don't think of it as basic training. Think of it as Mother's revenge." 经过两个星期的空军基础训练，我给家里打电话，“你不相信他们的要求是多么的严格，”我抱怨道，“他们甚至对事情提出过分的要求，像毛巾挂得不直或牙膏盖没拧紧。” “好，亲爱的，”妈妈回道，“不要那样看待基础训练，把它看作是妈妈的报复吧。”

Not learn to spend money 没学会花钱

A friend was trying to encourage his elderly mother to enjoy the money, she had accumulated through frugal living. "Mother," he said, "you have enough money to last you until you're a hundred."And then what'll I do?" she replied. 一位朋友试图劝他的老妈妈要享用钱，她通过节俭的生活攒下了钱。“妈妈，”他说，“你有足够的钱能让你用到一百岁。”“到了一百岁又该怎么办？”她回答。

Is that clock right? 这钟准确吗？

Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, What's the time, please? After a few months, Dan said to himself, I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here. Then he did so. Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time, he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, Is that clock right? 丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:请问现在几点？ 几个月后，丹想：我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。 现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。他高兴地想。可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹：这钟准吗？

The Perfect Son 完美的儿子

A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. A：我有一个很完美的儿子。 B：他抽烟吗？ A：不抽。 B：他喝威士忌酒吗？ A：不喝。 B：他会不会很晚回家？ A：不会。 B：我想你确实有一个完美儿子。那他多大了？ A：下个星期三就满6个月了。