英语笑话

First-aid class 急救课

A man was telling friends how first-aid classes had prepared him for an emergency. "I saw a woman hit by a car," he said, "She had a broken arm, a twisted knee and a skull fracture." "How horrible! What did you do?" "Thanks to my first-aid training I knew just how to handle it. I sat on the curb and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting." 一个男子正在告诉朋友们急救课是如何让他为突发事件做好准备的。 “我看见一个女人被车子撞了，“他说，“她手臂断了，膝盖弯曲，头骨破裂。”“太可怕了！你做了些什么？”“因为我上过急救培训，我知道该怎么处理这件事，我在路边坐下来，把我的头放在膝盖上，以防止昏倒。”

It is an Oak Tree 这是一棵橡树

One summer, two men, who had come to the country for their holidays. They were walking in an orchard. They saw that all the trees were bending under a heavy load of apples. Except one tree on which there were no apples at all. A small country boy was sitting nearby. They called to him. "Come here, boy. Here's a six pence for you. Do you know why there are no apples on that tree?" "Of course I do, sir, because it is an oak tree," answered the boy. 一年夏天，有两个人来到乡下度假。 他们漫步走进果园，只见果实累累，结满了苹果，英语小故事那些树都被压弯了腰，而又一棵树上一个苹果也没有。 旁边地上坐着一个乡下小男孩。他们大声向他问道：“孩子，过来，给你六便士，你知道为什么这棵树上没有苹果吗？” 那男孩回答说：“当然知道，先生，因为这是一棵橡树。”

Golfer 高尔夫球手

Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill（蚁冢）. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot. So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?" Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball." 从前有个高尔夫球手，他把球打到了一座蚁丘上。 他没有移动球的位置，而是决定就地击球。于是他使劲一挥球杆，尘土和着蚂蚁，四处飞扬。所有的东西都动了，除了那只球，它呆在原地，一动没动。 于是，他准备再次出击。又是一阵尘土飞扬，蚂蚁们也再次跟着遭殃。而高尔夫球还是纹丝不动。 两只蚂蚁幸免于难，一只晕晕乎乎地对另一只说：“哇，我们怎么办啊？” 另一只蚂蚁说：“我不知道你怎么想，但是我准备爬到那只球上去。”

Dinner's ready 晚餐准备好了

My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound. "It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison. "Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded. "Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready." 我的厨艺一直以来都是全家人取笑的对象。一天晚上，由于晚餐准备得太快，弄得厨房里全是烟雾，连烟雾探查器也响了起来。虽然我的两个孩子在学校里都接受过防火安全训练，然而他们对警报却毫无反应。我很生气，怒气冲冲地在房间里到处找他们。 我在浴室里找到了正在洗手的他们。我的声音大过了警报声，要求他们辨别那种声音。 “是烟雾探查器。”他们不约而同地回答。 “你们知道那种声音代表什么吗？”我问道。 “当然，”大一点的孩子回答，“晚饭已经好了。”