.
.
.
JoeyDo you have any respect for your body?
RossDon't you realize what you're- you're doing to yourself?
GlassOh shut up, Ross.
GlassCancer doesn't matter to me.
Glass（癌症什么的对我来说无所谓）
ChandlerAnd smoking is cool!
RachelChandler?
瑞秋拿着电话。
RachelIt's Allen, he wants to speak to you.
ChandlerReally? He does?
然后钱德勒就蹦着跳着去接艾伦的电话，格拉斯撇撇嘴，一脸不屑。
ChandlerHey, buddy, what's up!
ChandlerWell, yeah,
ChandlerI have one now and then.
ChandlerWell, yeah, now.
ChandlerWell, it's not that big-
突然没声音了，格拉斯回头，发现钱德勒居然一脸严肃地掐灭了手里的烟。
ChandlerGee, y'know,
Chandlerno-one's ever put it like that before.
Chandler（以前从没人说过这样的话）
ChandlerWell, okay, thanks!
Glass… Oh, big deal.
Glass（大事不好了）
他看见钱德勒板着脸走过来，然后从他口袋里拿出了半盒烟…
GlassHey, hey, hey…
GlassWhat do you wanna do?
钱德勒注视了他一会儿，突然附耳过来。
Glass……
GlassBut I don't want a baby.
ChandlerWell… But I kind of want.
Chandler（但是我有点想要）
Glass… That IS a trouble.
.
电视里播放着儿童节目《小羊排》，主持人一只手上套着一只袜子假装和它对话，格拉斯无聊地打了个哈欠，默默往钱德勒这边靠了靠。
ChandlerHow old is that sock?
ChandlerIf I had a sock on my hand for thirty years
Chandlerit'd be talking too.
Chandler（如果有一只袜子在我手上套三十年，它也会说话了）
RossOkay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch.
Ross（好吧，有人该换尼古丁贴片了）
GlassShut up, little fool.
Glass（闭嘴吧，小蠢蛋）
Ross……
格拉斯和钱德勒贴好了尼古丁贴片，莫妮卡和洗完澡的乔伊也来了。
GlassHey, Joey.
GlassDidn't you get killed by Chandler for eating his last piece of gum?
Glass（你不是因为吃了钱德勒最后一片口香糖而被他杀了吗？）
Joey… What are you talking about?
莫妮卡关了电视，她有点事要和朋友们谈谈。
MonicaWe have to talk.
MonicaIt's about Allen.
MonicaThere's something that you should know.
GlassI hope it's a good new,
Glass（我希望是个好消息）
Glasslike you're going to dump him.
Glass（比如你打算甩了他）
莫妮卡下意识挑了下眉。
MonicaI mean, there's really no easy to say this…
ChandlerThen stop it.
Chandler（那就别说了）
莫妮卡并不打算理他。
MonicaI've decided to break up with Allen.
Chandler（我已经决定和艾伦分手）
除了仿佛遭到噩耗攻击的五个人，格拉斯活像是老板发慈悲发了一千美金的奖金。
GlassAll right, boys and girls,
GlassI'll treat you to dinner tonight!
Glass（今晚我请你们吃饭！）
显然没人“领情”。
RossIs there somebody else?
Ross（是有第三者吗？）
JoeySo that's it? It's over?
Joey（这就完了？没戏了？）
莫妮卡无奈笑着点点头。
JoeyJust like that?
Joey（就这么结束了？）
GlassI'm sorry it's a bad ending.
从你的表情里可看不出任何抱歉。
RachelI just can't believe this!
RachelI mean, with the holidays coming up-
Rachel（假期要来了）
RachelI wanted him to meet my family-
Rachel（我还想带他去见我的家人）
这回格拉斯不乐意了。
GlassWhat?!
GlassDon't bother them,
Glass（别打扰他们）
GlassI'll just throw him out of the house.
Glass（我会把他赶出去的）
MonicaDon't be sad.
MonicaI'll meet someone else.
MonicaThere'll be other Allen.
格拉斯几乎是在莫妮卡闭嘴的瞬间脱口而出。
GlassNo, I won't be an Allen.
ChandlerWhat?!
看来某人终于意识到自己的身份了。
ChandlerYou'd better never think about it.
钱德勒是缓过味儿来了，但其他人还沉浸在“悲痛”之中。
MonicaAre you guys gonna be okay?
Monica（你们不会有事情吧？）
RossHey, hey, we'll be fine.
RossWe're just need a little time.
GlassFor what?
GlassOut of the grief of lovelorn?
Glass（从失恋的悲痛中走出来吗？）
软塌塌地哼唧了两声，一个倚在墙边“深思”，两个瘫在沙发里“忧伤”。
莫妮卡看看这个，又看看另外两个…
MonicaI think I'd better not understand you guys.
.
"Wow."
莫妮卡刚刚和艾伦说了分手的事，看来这个大家伙并没有什么悲痛的反应。
MonicaI'm really sorry.
"I'm sorry, too."
"But, I gotta tell you."
"I am a little relieved."
（我也松了口气。）
MonicaRelieved?
"Yeah, well, I had a great time with you…"
（我和你在一起的时候很开心…）
"I just can't stand your friends."
（我只是受不了你那些朋友。）
Monica……
可怜的小家伙们…
.
莫妮卡谈分手快回来了，剩下几个小朋友还在黯然神伤，钱德勒和格拉斯窝在家里无所事事。
ChandlerNo kidding,
Chandler（说真的）
ChandlerDon't we really do anything…
Chandler（我们真的什么都不做吗？）
ChandlerLike…
Chandlerexciting?
GlassWell, y'know, we are in love.
GlassWhat do you do when you are in love?
Glass（你谈恋爱的时候通常都干什么？）
ChandlerI… um,
ChandlerI can't remember that.
GlassWell um,
Glassso do I.
……
两个人干坐着有些无聊，于是钱德勒打开了电视。
ChandlerOh my god.
好死不死，正好在播放男女主在床上施展“爱的拳脚”的桥段。
钱德勒干咳了两声，偷瞄了眼格拉斯。
GlassWhat?
ChandlerOops, you catch me.
Chandler（哎呀，被发现了）
GlassDid you just wanna say something?
Glass（你刚刚想说什么？）
ChandlerUm… I, um…
ChandlerCan, can I say that?
格拉斯耸肩。
GlassWhy not?
ChandlerOkay, don't be mad.
Chandler（不许生气）
钱德勒哼哼唧唧犹豫了半天，眼看着男女主那段最精彩的桥段要过了，他心一横，狠狠掐了一下自己。
ChandlerFancy a fuck with me?
Glass……
Chandler……
手心里黏糊糊的，有些出汗，钱德勒从说完就一直不敢去看格拉斯，直到他听见布料摩擦的声音，才敢稍微抬起头。
GlassChandler.
ChandlerYe-yes?
格拉斯已经来到他身前，一只手撑在他身后的椅子靠背上，另一只手慢慢松开了他的领带…
GlassI felt your kiss yesterday.
GlassI felt your love.
GlassSo... Can you do those again?
Chandler… Sure.
……
GlassMaybe we should go to the bedroom.
GlassIt's easy to be exposed here.
Glass（在这儿太容易暴露了）
ChandlerOh… Yeah… I mean, sure.
ChandlerJoey never thought we'd make "contact" in the bedroom.
Chandler（乔伊绝对想不到我们会在卧室里“接头”）
GlassOh God… Be careful!
ChandlerOh, sorry, sorry…
……
GlassWait, wait…
ChandlerWhat?
GlassYou lost your pants.
钱德勒停住了。
ChandlerSo the one on me is...
Chandler（所以我身上的是…）
Glassmine.
Glass（我的）
ChandlerOkay.
.
.
.
———
———
Unfinished to be continued
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