emems（2）

It's not that I want to die. In fact, if anything, I want to live. I was just tired of "me," a person who couldn't achieve anything of value, a person of privilege, who could have done so much more with my resources, but who fell into a spiral of self-loathing and impotent rage, and I said I wanted to die. It's like my curse, but I know it's just me trying to be special. Short for wanting to be needed, important, desired. I let myself and others down. Feeling unimportant and lonely at my age can be a death sentence. I may never live the life I want, so I say I want to die.

其实我也不是想死，说实在的，如果有的话，其实我也想活下去。我只是厌倦了“我自己”，一个不能取得任何价值的东西的人，一个享有特权的人，我本可以用我的资源做更多的东西，但是却陷入了自我厌恶 和无能狂怒的螺旋，我说我想死。这就像我的诅咒一样，但我知道这只是我想让我变得特别。想被需要，被重要，被渴望的简写。我辜负了自己和其他人的期望，在我这个年纪感受到了不重要和孤独，这可能是一种如同判处死刑的体验，我可能永远也过不上我想要的生活，所以我说我想死。

（抱歉，过年了，实在是开心不起来，红包的账算错了😭😭😭😭很抱歉把你们当成了情绪垃圾桶，但是我想也没有人在看）

（资本主义：啊？你不能取得任何价值？你还说你会浪费资源？！我有办法。）

Two reactions to going out: Ugh! The sun! ... Ugh! Human!

出去的两个反应：呃！太阳！……呃！人类！

A: You can't die!! Your parents invested so much for you! Are you willing to do that? No one to play with when you're dead! You have a mortgage, a car payment. You're not married, and you're not...

B: I want you to get the hell out of here. I just don't exist. Of purpose and value. I am not here to walk into the shackles of love with someone, or to eat a mixture of animal and wheat carcasses. I will not be held back by what people call natural morality, because I am nothing, I have no sense of religious affiliation, I am just an outsider in human society. But I'm here, so let's do something, but now I just want to die as much as I wanted to live.

A：你不能死！！你的父母为你投资了这么多！你舍得吗？你死了就没人陪我玩了！你还有房贷，车贷。你还没有结婚，你也没有……

B：我想让你滚远点，我的存在本身就是没有什么使命.目的和价值的。我来这里不是为了和某个人走进爱情的枷锁，或者吃一团动物和小麦混合尸体，我不会被人们所谓的天经地义的道德给阻逆，因为我是一无所有虚无的存在物，我也的没有宗教的归宿感，我只是人类社会的局外人。但我来都来了，就干点什么吧，但是现在我就是想死了，就如同当初我想活着。

（存在主义……emmm……生存还是毁灭，这是个值得思考的问题）