英语笑话

万能的圣诞老人并非啥都知道

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?" 一个女孩爬到圣诞老人的膝盖上，圣诞老人例行公事的问：“今年圣诞节你想要什么呢？” 孩子瞪大眼睛惊讶的望着圣诞老人一分钟都没讲话，然后喘着气说到：“你没收到我的电子邮件吗？（我想要什么都写上面了，万能的圣诞老人咋能不知道捏）”

预报天气的印第安人

The Indian Who Could Foretell the Weather Two men were travelling in a very wild and lonely part of America． For days they had not even seen a house， only a few huts made of wood， or tents made of skins． Then one day they met an old Indian who earned his living by trapping animals for heir fur． They found that he knew their language and they had a little conversation with him． One of them asked him if he could tell them what the weather would be like within the next few days． “Oh yes，”he said．“Rain is coming， and wind．Then there will be snow for two days， but after that there will be bright sunshine．” “Is n't that wonderful？” said one man to his friend．“These old Indians know more of the secrets of Nature than we do with all our science． They have not been spoiled by civilization．” Then he turned to the old Indian． “Tell me，”he said，“how you knew all that．” The Indian replied，“I heard it on the radio．” 有两个人在美洲一个非常荒凉偏僻的地区旅行。好多天来，他们连所房子也没看到，只看见几个木棚子和皮帐篷。一天，他们遇到一个靠猎取兽皮谋生的印第安老人。他们发现他懂得他们的语言，就和他聊了一会儿。其中一个人问他，能否告知近几天的天气如何。 “哦，行啊”，他说。“就要下雨了，还要刮风。接着还得下两天雪。这以后，就是大晴天了。” “这不是太神奇了吗？”一个旅行者对他的朋友说。“这些印第安老人深知大自然的秘密，比我们有科学知识的人知道的还多。他们并没有被现代文明所迷惑。”接着他转向印第安老人： “请问，”他说，“你是怎么知道这一切的呢？” 印第安老人答道：“我是从无线电里听来的。”

可怜的人

"Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady， "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind." "You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins." "啊，可怜的人，"善良的老妇人惊叹道。"脚瘸就够惨的了，要是眼瞎就更糟了。" "你说的一点儿没错，"那乞丐说。他显然是乞讨老手。"我眼瞎的时候，人们老是给我外币。"

A Duel 决斗

Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!" 小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。 显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且打输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得说，我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。” “嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平！” “我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐！”