英语笑话

我娶了你的姐妹

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. 一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥，她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个万圣节夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戏服，躲在树后，准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。 When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. 当丈夫走近时，她从树后跳出来，站到他面前，头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴，手中握着钢叉。 "Who are you?" he asked. “你是谁？”丈夫问到。 "I'm the Devil!" she responded. “我是魔鬼！”她回答到。 "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!" “噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫说，“我娶了你的姐妹！”

The Name of a Poet

Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today． It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning? 我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。这个系统是这样的，她说，假定你要记住一个诗人的名字，例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯，让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗？警察燃烧！ 我明白你的意思，班上的万事通说，但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢？

A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航游

One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment. Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they're serving any food on this cruise." "I don' t know, the second guy replied. "They didn't last year." 一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花100元的广告。在他签了字付了款后，旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下，把他打昏了过去，并把他从后门扔进了河里。不久又来了一个人，付了钱并得到了相同的待遇。 十五分钟后，这两个人一起向河的下游漂去。第一个人说：“不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物。” “不知道，”第二个人说道，“去年是没有的。”

两块蛋糕

Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two! 两块蛋糕 汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？ 妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！