英语笑话

开卷考试

On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam. 我在加利福尼亚的圣玛丽亚市一所社区大学读书。期末考试那天，听说书店在回购我们的工商管理课本。考试前，我们几个赶忙跑到书店把书卖了，随后，我们坐在教室里等着考试。这时候教授宣布：考虑到试题的难度，今天的考试我们决定开卷。

谁的儿子最伟大

The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'." "My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'. " The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!" 四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。” 第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。” 第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’！”

法官与小偷

It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?” “I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner. “There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner 圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦的问受刑人： “你做了什么坏事啊？” “我今年圣诞节购物早了些。”犯人回答。 “那并不事件坏事”，法官说：“到底多早之前啊？” “商店开门之前。”犯人答道。

迟到

My Sister's Fingers Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time? Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home. Teacher: I don't see any bandages. Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail. 我妹妹的手指头老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了?凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀?凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。