英语笑话

士可杀不可辱

老师问：‘士可杀不可辱’用英语怎么说？小明：‘You can kill me，but you can't fuck me’（你可以杀我，但不可以干我）。老师：……滚出去！

什么叫叛徒？

Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics？” Father（a veteran politician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．” Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？” Father：“A convert，my son．” 有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？” 父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。” 有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢？” 父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”

冰箱里的小兔子

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. 一位女士打开冰箱门，发现一只兔子坐在其中的一层隔板上，就问它：“你在那里做什么？” The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" 兔子回答：“这是Westinghouse对不对？”（Westinghouse，西屋电气公司） The lady confirmed, "Yes." 女士确认道：“没错。” "Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing." 兔子说：“那就对了，我就是要往西边去。” Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me? 兔子：你确信这瓶特制胡萝卜汁能治好我的病？ Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another. 医生：当然咯，凡是喝过的兔子没有一只来要第二瓶的。 Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from? 兔宝宝：妈咪，我是从哪儿来的呢？ Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older. 兔妈妈：等你长大点再告诉你。 Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now. 兔宝宝：噢妈咪，现在就告诉我吧，求您了。 Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat. 兔妈妈：如果你一定要知道，那我告诉你你是从魔术师的帽子里被拽出来的。

Psychiatrist 精神病医生

Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!! 杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了！”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢？”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢？”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗？有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的？他怎么做到的？”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了！”