英语笑话

I Wasn't Asleep我没有睡着

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 “没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

A Woman Who Fell摔倒的女人

A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

Good Boy好孩子

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Cherishing Words As Gold惜语如金

Cherishing Words As Gold (Originally In Chinese) Once there was a child who had lived to be seven without ever having spoken one word. His parents thought he was dumb. They took him to a doctor, but were unable to find out the reason why he wouldn't speak. No matter what they tried, he did not say anything. One day, as the child was eating soup, in the middle of the meal he suddenly exclaimed, "Ayah! Too much salt!" Everyone was startled, "Ah! Aren't you dumb?" "What!" he replied. "Who is dumb? I think you're dumb!" His family wondered and asked, "Why didn't you say anything for the past seven years, and now all of a sudden you begin to talk?" He replied, "There had never been anything to complain about! But whoever cooked the food today, put so much salt in it. How can anyone swallow something like this!?" 惜语如金 有一个小孩，他从小到七岁没有讲过一句话，父母 都认为他是哑巴，带他去看医生也找不出理由， 试什么办法还是不会讲话。 有一天，这个小孩吃饭时喝下一口汤后，突然说： 「哎呀！太多盐巴了！」大家都吓了一跳： 「啊！你不是哑巴吗？」他说：「哑什么巴， 你才是哑巴，谁哑巴！」他的家人感到很好奇， 就问他：「怎么你七年来都不讲一句话， 今天忽然间就讲话了？」他说：「从来没什么应该抱怨嘛！ 今天是什么人煮，放那么多盐巴，那么咸怎么能吃？」