英语笑话

Twin Lobsters孪生龙虾

Once I had achieved success as an entertainer, I wanted to impress my Mom. I brought her to Las Vegas for dinner at Caesar's Palace. Among other items, the menu listed "Twin Lobsters - $45.""Why don't you order that, Mom?" I asked. "I know how much you like lobster." She looked at me with the eyes of a skeptic and shook her head. "How do they know they're really twins?" 我当演员取得成功后，想在妈妈面前炫耀一番。于是，我带着她到拉斯维加斯的凯撒宫去吃饭。在菜谱中有道菜是“孪生龙虾--45美元。” “你为什么不点那个呢，妈？”我问道：“我知道你很喜欢吃龙虾了。” 她满眼狐疑地看着我，然后摇了摇头。“他们怎么知道它们确实是孪生的呢？”

An Old Couple's Quarrel老夫妻吵架

A couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before the local magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind, cried: "I'll law you to the Circuit Court." "I'm willing," said the other. "I'll law you to the Supreme Court." "I'll be there.""And I'll law the hell!" "My attorney will be there," was the calm reply. 一对性情乖僻的老夫妻发生了争吵，一直闹到地方法官那里。败诉的一方以一种临战的姿态冲着对方嚷道：“我要到巡回法庭去告你。” “愿意奉陪。”另一个说。 ”我要到最高法院去告你。” “我也陪你。” “我还要到地狱去告你。” “我的代理人会奉陪的。”对方平静的说。

Persistence缠住不放

Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. "Daddy, who won the golf game，you or Uncle Richie?""Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun."Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?" 丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。“爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔？” “我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，”丈夫推诿说。“我们打球只是为了好玩而已。” 莎拉毫不气馁，又问：“那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢？”

Keep the Change不用找了

One sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four children they could "buy" a cone from me for a hug. Almost immediately, the kids lined up to make their purchases. The three youngest each gave me a quick hug, grabbed their cones and raced back outside. But when my teen-age son at the end of the line finally got his turn to "buy" his ice cream, he gave me two hugs. "Keep the changes," he said with a smile. 有一天天气闷热，我将冰淇淋舀进锥筒，告诉我的四个小孩，他们可以从我这里用拥抱“购买”一筒。于是，孩子们马上排起了队来购买。较小的三个孩子每人很快的抱了我一下，抓过冰淇淋筒就跑到外面去了。最后轮到排在队尾十岁的大儿子来“买”冰淇淋时，他拥抱了我二下。“不用找了，”他笑着说。