幽默笑话69

1、别再唱什么往后余生了，女孩子不努力挣钱，不舍得变美，往后余生，做饭是你，洗衣是你，做家务是你，遭嫌弃的是你，看孩子还是你。

Don't sing anything for the rest of your life. Girls don't work hard to earn money. They don't want to be beautiful. For the rest of their lives, cooking is you, laundry is you, housework is you. It's you who are despised. It's you who look after children.

2、律师希望你被人告，医生希望你生病，修车工希望你汽车坏掉。只有小偷和保险公司才最善良，他们永远希望你荣华富贵，平平安安。

The lawyer wants you to be sued, the doctor wants you to be ill, and the mechanic wants your car to break down. Only thieves and insurance companies are the kindest. They always want you to be prosperous and safe.

3、饭局的三大悲剧：想请的人没来，来的人都和你无关，结账的时候只剩下你一个清醒的。

The three tragedies of the dinner party: those who want to invite don't come, those who come have nothing to do with you, and you are the only one who is sober when checking out.

4、你本来可以很快乐，但是贫穷、懒惰、肥胖、还有丑让你怎么也快乐不起来。

You can be happy, but poverty, laziness, obesity, and ugliness make you unhappy.

5、你听过最孤独的话是什么？同学，作业就剩你没交了。

What's the loneliest thing you've ever heard? Classmate, you're left with your homework.

6、风来了，请大家看好你们的女朋友，万一吹到我家，我是不会还的！

The wind is coming. Please take good care of your girlfriend. If it blows to my house, I will not return it!

7、下辈子，我要当你的心脏，惹毛了我，我就不跳了。

Next life, I want to be your heart. If you annoy me, I won't jump.

8、“对待前任你是什么态度？”“祝他不孕不育，子孙满堂。”

"What's your attitude towards your ex?" "I wish him infertility, full of children and grandchildren."

9、晚安的真正含义是：别跟我墨迹了，我要自己去玩了。

The real meaning of good night is: don't write with me, I'll play by myself.

10、从来没有人能在我面前抬得起头，这就是身高优势！我矮，我骄傲！

No one can raise his head in front of me, this is the height advantage! I'm short, I'm proud!

11、支撑人生前进的四大期盼：等下班，等周五，等发工资，等快递！

Four expectations to support the progress of life: waiting for work, waiting for Friday, waiting for salary, etc. for express delivery!

12、其实唐僧也挺色的，碰到长得不怎么样的叫施主，碰到长得好看的就叫女菩萨。

In fact, the Tang monk is also very colorful. When he meets a poor looking benefactor, he or she is called a female Bodhisattva.

13、刚刚一辆兰博基尼从我身边开过，溅得我一身水，当时我就发誓，等我有钱了我一定要买一套属于自己的雨衣。

Just now a Lamborghini drove past me and splashed me with water. At that time, I swore that I would buy my own raincoat when I got rich.