Chapter 19

"So, we don't know what to expect at all?" She asked softly.

The voice suddenly coming from behind him made Tony jump to his feet.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you," Pepper apologized.

"Don't be sorry. It's just that I didn't expect to see you up at this time of the night and…" He stopped for a moment, knowing that this was not easy to say, "…here… With me…" he finished with a whisper.

Pepper sighed and stared at her feet for a second in thought, then looked back up at him "I woke up after a bad dream and I couldn't go back to sleep…" She explained pausing for a few seconds and then added softly "You told me that you would be here and I thought I should check on you."

Tony was surprised by the soft tone of her voice. The last time, he talked to her she was upset and mad at him. But right now she didn't seem mad at all and he decided that he would take her as she was, without questioning her change in mood. She was there, just in front of him, reachable, but the only thing he could do was to stay silent and immobile, looking intently at her.

After one long minute of silence, Pepper looked down at her feet again "I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb you… I'll be going back to my room now." with these quietly spoken words, she started to turn towards the stairs.

When her words penetrated Tony's brain, he quickly started moving in order to catch her "Pepper, wait…" He caught her hand and pulled on her arm gently, causing her to turn around and face him. As their eyes locked, he immediately felt himself drowning in her ocean blue eyes, forgetting for the moment how to even form words as they continued to look at one another.

Pepper slowly let her eyes fall from his eyes to his face and she noticed immediately just how tired, he looked. Then, her gaze drifted down to her hand, still firmly within Tony's hand. He quickly followed her gaze, and immediately let go of her hand, afraid that she would be upset with him for touching her. His sudden movement made her looked up at his face once again.

"You look tired," she said quietly "You should rest, Tony." She then added gently.

The tone that she used with him made Tony's heart warm with undisguised joy. It had been so long time since he had heard such genuine concern in her voice directed at him.

He smiled warmly at her "Only when I am positive that you and Dane will be safe I'll rest, not before."

Pepper smiled back at him and nodded "I know. By the way, I didn't get a chance to thank you for what you are doing for us. I want you to know that I really appreciate all your efforts."

Tony was immediately hurt by her words. To him, it was like she was somehow implying that he was just doing her a favor, and that he hadn't really needed to help her at all. Did she really believe that? Did she really believe that he was not really fully involved in their life now? Dane was his son, and he loved Pepper more than anything else in the world, how could he possibly not help them if they were both in danger.

"You don't have to thank me." he said harshly as his pain pushed to the surface, quickly turning his back to Pepper and once again sitting down at his computer terminal.

Pepper felt as if her heart suddenly broke in two inside her chest at his tone, which she knew was a mix of sadness, anger and distress. After her earlier conversation with Jarvis, her anger with him had weakened a little bit. It was not like she was ready to forgive him, but just now she understood a little bit better about what he had gone through too. She intently watched him as he was moving his fingers rapidly over the holographic keyboard.

"Jarvis, copy this file onto ghost hard drive 36," Tony said as he input the results that his AI had given to him earlier into his newly created formulas.

"At once, Sir." Jarvis replied quietly.

"Oh and start another simulation with a coefficient of 0.6, I want to see the impact of a better efficiency on the possible evolution of the vibranium blood level of Dane." Tony continued to bark out orders to Jarvis.

"Duly noted, sir. Commencing the simulation now. Results are expected in 2 hours and 27 minutes." The AI confirmed.

"Very good, J…" Tony said, and then he sighed heavily still staring at the keyboard.

"I know you are trying your best for us, Tony," Pepper said quietly from behind him.

Tony closed his eyes at the sound of her voice, "You know I'll do you anything and everything for you…and Dane." He whispered in response, not looking at her.

"I know Tony, I know…" she whispered back to him. A long minute of silence passed between them before she broke it, "I'm going back to my room now and you should do the same Tony." She said as she turned towards the stairs.

"I can't…" he said flatly, causing her to stop and turn around to look at him once again.

Pepper was stunned by his admission. She knew from speaking with Jarvis what he meant, but she still couldn't help but asked. "What do you mean, you can't?"

Tony slowly turned away from his computer to look at her; she was now almost half way to the staircase. "I can't…" he started again, "I really can't Pep," he added with a trembling voice.

Pepper immediately turned around and walked back to him, standing once again in front of him, "You shouldn't feel like that. After all it is your room and it is where you're supposed to sleep…"

Tony shook his head "No, it's not my room..."

Pepper tried to catch his gaze, but he wouldn't look at her. She then added "Look Tony, listen to me," He slowly turned his head to look at her attentively. "Jarvis told me," she started as Tony gave her a questioning look, "about how you refuse to sleep in your bedroom, staying away from the mansion in your non-stop missions for Shield, refusing to eat or sleep when you were here and your lack of any social life," Then she paused for few seconds and added downheartedly, "But you never seemed to lack alcohol." She finished softly. "Oh, Tony! Why did you start drinking again?"

Tony ducked his head in embarrassment and closed his eyes tightly "It is not really what it looks like." he said sadly.

"Oh?" she said faking surprise "I thought for a moment that you were missing me and that you were trying to forget about me, but if it is not what it looks like, then I just don't know," she said her eyes holding just a hint of tease within them now.

Tony looked at her half shocked, half amused at her attempt at a tease "Ok, forget what I said. It is exactly what it looks like!" he exclaimed, his eyes crinkling with the beginnings of a smile.

Pepper laughed quietly and so did Tony. When they were together like this, teasing each other as they often did, it seemed like suddenly nothing changed between them, almost like the past 5 years hadn't happened. But their moment of bliss passed quickly as Pepper was suddenly brought back into the present.

"You can't live like that anymore, Tony," she started, "It's been 5 years. You have the right to move on." She saw the look on his face as she broke his heart once again. She suddenly realized that no matter what had happened between them, she still cared deeply about him and that the only thing she wanted was helping him "It's not fair for you to keep living in the past. You just can't do that to yourself; what's past is past."

Anger immediately flashed into his bourbon eyes "What the hell is your problem Pepper!" he said raising her voice as he locked eyes with hers.

Pepper took a half step back from him as anger continued to course through his body. He began to pace up and down in front of his desk as he continued to hold her gaze

"What's past is past?! Yeah?! You're kidding me, right?" he said biting the words out at her, as he continued to pace, "Come on! You can say that to your mom, your friends or whoever else, but just don't say that to me please!" he suddenly stopped directly in front of her, his eyes locked with hers "I still can't believe what I heard, I can't believe you are saying that to me! You say you want me to move on. Well then do you really want me to move on? What makes you think that I can move on? I couldn't move on in the last 5 years, and now that I know that I have a son, you really think that I will be able to move on now?" He took a half step towards her. "Pepper, come on! Who are you really trying to convince here?"

Pepper was transfixed on the spot, shocked by his words, suddenly not knowing what to say or do, "I…" she stumbled with her words, "I…"

He quickly closed the distance between them, putting his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them tenderly "Look Pepper, I'll make this easy on you. All you need to do is tell me, right here and now, that you don't love me anymore and that you don't have any feelings for me, and I swear I'll disappear from your life."

She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, her breath heavy and hard, as she lost herself deep within his warm, bourbon eyes. He had just given her an exit door for this whole situation and the easy way out. But the only thing that she could focus on, at the moment, was the feel of his hands on her shoulders, his smell, his eyes, his heat… all Tony…and everything she had always wanted. The tears welled up in her eyes as she whispered "I… I can't…"

Tony cracked a sad smile at her "So don't ask me to move on, please." He whispered to her.

One tear fell onto her cheek as she nodded slowly. Tony slid his right hand to her face and gently wiped away the tear. Pepper closed her eyes at the feel of his skin on hers. She felt Tony's left hand reach around to the small of her back as he slowly pulled her into his embrace.

As he hugged her, she could feel his warm breath in her hair, "I love you Pepper, I love you so much" he softly said as he was pressing her against him now enveloping her in his arms, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" he added as his feelings started to overwhelm him and he choked back a sob.

Her hands went to his back automatically, rubbing gentle, soothing circles into his skin through his shirt as she felt her emotions threatening to silence her once again "Oh, Tony…..I love you too..." She whispered.

She felt him tense at her words and then suddenly he started to tremble in her arms. He pulled her even closer to him as his tears began to fall onto her shoulder. She pulled him tightly into her as she continued to rub his back soothingly. She had missed him so, so much. Her bad dream suddenly came back to her mind. She had cried so hard upon waking earlier. Her dream had been about Tony dying trying to protect her and Dane. And that's exactly the reason why she had found herself in his workshop. She had got the need to check on him, to check if everything was alright with him.

In her dream, she had never been able to tell him that she still loved him and Dane had never known that Tony was his father. She felt her own tears fell again at the sad memory of her dream, dream that could easily became true if she had kept on her way toward him. But now, she knew that she was going to make things right between Tony and her. And as she tried to blink away her tears, she knew that it was now the time to make things right between him and Dane too...