Chapter 17

It was already 3 am when Happy finally parked the limo in Tony's Mansion garage. Dane and Edna were deep asleep in their seats. Tony got out of the car first and quickly turned around the car. Pepper was staring unfocused at Dane when Tony opened her door. She slowly shifted her gaze to him as if almost in a trance. Her eyes were still red from the tears as well as from her overall tiredness and the stress she was under.

"Are you ok?" Tony asked gently, knowing in his heart what the answer would be. He also knew in his heart that she was a strong woman, rarely complaining even under the worst of circumstances.

She nodded slowly and turned her gaze back to Dane again "His sleep cycle is really off today because of the traveling."

"Yes," Tony admitted "Maybe it would be best if we tried not to wake him up. I could just pick him up and put him in bed right now. As sound asleep as he is, he wouldn't even know." He suggested, shifting his gaze between her and Dane.

"mmmmmhhhh" Pepper said mindlessly, the focus once again disappearing from her eyes.

"Which room you want me to put him in?" Tony asked hesitantly, worried about how she was going to react to his question.

Pepper shifted her gaze to him again; her eyes were once more filling with tears. "I don't know…" she whispered, moving her head slowly from right to left as if desperate to seek an answer to his question, "I just don't know anything anymore…" She finished weakly, tears falling down onto her cheeks.

Tony quickly kneeled down in front of her "Hey…" he said slowly reaching towards her face with his hands, "shhhh," he whispered, tenderly wiping the tears from her cheeks. "You are tired, that's it. Everything will be better once you've had some sleep. You'll see." He tried his best to comfort her.

Suddenly, she threw herself into his arms. Her quick movement shocked and surprised him, and he had to move his body quickly to counterbalance so he wouldn't fall back on the floor. He recovered his equilibrium quickly and found himself hugging her back, stroking her hair slowly, as she started to cry on his shoulder. Then he slowly shifted one of his arms under her legs and with a gentle tug, took her out of the car and into his arms in a bridal carry. Once he had stood up with her in his arms, his eyes met Happy's as he was removing the luggage from the trunk of the limo. In that one look, Happy understood Tony and nodded slowly in agreement to his non-vocal question.

Tony started walking slowly towards the elevator, Pepper still in his arms. Her arms had gone around in his neck and back and her face was tucked into the side of his neck as she quietly cried.

They were almost to the elevator when Pepper, still sobbing, tried to pull herself together "Where are we going?" she asked looking back towards the limo. "I need to take care of Dane."

"Not while you are in this state. Happy and your mother are here. They will take care of him, for the time being. Until then you need to focus on taking care of you first." Tony said.

Pepper shook her head and suddenly tried to free herself from Tony embrace. "No, he needs me to put him to bed. I never let him go to bed alone."

Tony put her on the floor slowly, but kept her in place by putting his hand on her shoulder, "Look Pepper, he is deeply asleep anyway. Your mom can just put him to bed. I know she puts him down for a nap every day, so he won't think anything of it. Even, if he does wake up slightly, he will fall back to sleep fast. Now, if you really want to go put him to bed, then go. But if he wakes up and sees you in the shape you're in right now, I'm not sure that he will fall back to sleep so fast. You know how he worries about you." Tony explained patiently to her.

At his words, Pepper looked at her reflection in the elevator door and sighed heavily, knowing exactly what Tony meant. "Ok," she nodded finally.

Tony removed his hand from her shoulder and resumed walking to the elevator. When he reached the elevator, he noticed that Pepper hadn't followed him and quickly turned to find that she was back to the limo, but this time on her mother's side away from where Dane was sleeping. He started walking back to the car and met Happy half way.

"You OK, boss?" Happy asked Tony concern etched on the big man's face. Tony nodded slowly. "Ok, because you look more like the walking dead than a daisy."

Tony smiled slowly at Happy's cynical joke. "The last 48 hours have been a little hard….on all of us." Tony said turning to look at Pepper who was quietly talking to her mom now that she was awake.

Happy nodded sadly, "But you did it, boss!"

Tony turned his head to Happy confused at his words.. "What do you mean?"

"You went back to her. And you brought her back!" Happy said in a serious tone.

Tony sighed, his heart aching again, "I should have never let her go…" he said fatally looking longingly at Pepper.

Happy followed his gaze and watched as Edna was reaching to lift Dane out of his car seat, "Is the little boy your son?" Happy asked without looking at Tony.

"Yes, he is…" Tony answered sadly as Pepper slowly walked to join them.

"My mom will take Dane with her;" Pepper started "They will sleep in her usual room…" She said, then suddenly stopped mid step as if something was wrong. Tony looked at her; waiting for her following words, "I mean, if it is still available…" she corrected herself.

This house had been her home for a long time, so everything seemed natural and familiar but at the same time so very wrong. It was not her home anymore and she didn't want to act like it was.

"Sure, it is. Everything is still the same, Pep'" Tony said somewhat awkwardly with a shrug of his shoulders.

"No, nothing is the same anymore!" Pepper spat out harshly.

Happy felt his blood turning to ice in his veins. That was the first time he had ever heard that tone in Pepper's soft voice. Tony was rooted to his spot, still not used to this tone coming from Pepper even though he had heard it far too many times in the last 48 hours.

The silence around them was now deafening and Happy quickly decided to break it. "OK, I'll go help your mom get set up in her and Dane's room."

Pepper's face softened and she smiled slowly at Happy "Thank you, Happy." She said patting his forearm tenderly. Happy smiled a terse smile back at her and quickly left to meet up with Edna and Dane, leaving Tony and Pepper alone again.

"Do you want me to go with you upstairs?" Tony asked quietly, actually afraid of what her answer would be.

"No, that's not necessary, and if I need anything, then I'm sure I can ask Jarvis for help." She stated coolly.

"Sure, do whatever you want and you can sleep where ever you want." He said emphasizing the 'where' as if doing what he could to assure her that she was once again in control of the mansion.

"Don't worry; one of the spare bedrooms will be fine." She shushed him as she started to walk to the elevator, grabbing her rolling suitcase that Happy had left on the floor for her.

Tony wanted to help her to carry it, but he knew already that her answer would be probably a firm 'no'. So, he quickly added "Anyway, it's up to you where you sleep. I'll stay downstairs in the workshop working on our next move."

She didn't even turn to him, she just entered the elevator, and when the door closed, her shoulders quickly sagged in defeat as she starting sobbing again, finally letting everything out, tears streaming their way down her face.

When the elevator finally reached the bedroom level, she was welcome by a familiar and welcome voice. "Welcome Miss Potts. It is a real pleasure to see you once again."

She smiled brightly quickly drying her tears. "Hello Jarvis, you can't even imagine how good it is to hear your voice again." Pepper said sincerely looking up at the security camera mounted in the ceiling of the corridor.

"How can I be of service to you, madam?" Jarvis asked quietly.

"Have been any changes in the mansion that I should be informed of since the last time I was here?" She asked as she started to walk down the corridor towards the guest bedrooms.

"Except for the workshop, everything is just how you left it." Jarvis stated. "Except for Colonel Rhodes, Mr. Hogan, and the housekeeping staff, there have been no humans in the mansion since the day you left.

"Really?" Pepper asked in disbelief.

"Yes, after you left, Mister Stark rarely came upstairs and he never again slept in your and Mr. Stark's bedroom. Unfortunately he has spent most of his time away from the mansion on missions with the Avengers, or down in his workshop." The AI explained.

At Jarvis words, Pepper started to feel miserable. "Where did he sleep or eat?" She asked as she entered one of the spare guest rooms.

"Most of the time, he slept in his suit going to and from Shield missions. He very rarely ate at home. However, I have taken the liberty to restock on food and consumables in preparation for your arrival." Pepper sighed heavily as she put her suitcase on the bed. "If I may, madam, since you left, Mister Stark has chosen to stay away from the mansion as much as possible."

"Yeah, that's exactly why it was so easy for him to get rid of me." She thought out loud as she pulled her nightclothes out of her suitcase.

"I don't wish to contradict you Miss Potts, but I believe you are mistaken about the situation here at the mansion." Jarvis said to her.

"What do you mean Jarvis?" Pepper asked as she walked into the bathroom.

"If I believe what my records of the past 5 years would indicate, all Mister Stark did was to avoid everything that reminded him of you." Pepper was now listening carefully to Jarvis "He spent more and more of his time on missions for Shield in an effort to try to not think about you."

"What makes you think that Jarvis?" Pepper asked as she finished changing into her nightclothes.

"Mister Stark does still talk to himself when he is drunk." Jarvis stated simply.

"Drunk?" Pepper said horrified.

"Yes," Jarvis answered.

Pepper was shocked; she hadn't seen Tony drunk for years. When she thought about it, she hadn't seen him drunk since his birthday party when he was suffering from Palladium poisoning. His habits had changed a lot when they started to date each other; he never drank himself into oblivion anymore. "When did he start drinking again?" Pepper asked as she made her way back into the bedroom again.

"One week, two days and 6 hours after you left the mansion for the last time." Jarvis stated quietly.

Pepper heart clenched in her chest. At this instant, at this second, she just started to understand just how much Tony too had suffered from their separation. She sat on her bed, staring at the wall in front of her. "Did he ever say that he missed me?" she finally let her heart ask the AI.

"Every day." Was Jarvis' unemotional answer to her emotional question.

Pepper shook her head in disbelief "So why did it take him 5 damned years to come back for me?!" she asked out loud.

"I'm not sure, but if I could make a hypothesis, it was probably fear on his part." Jarvis replied quietly.

"Fear?!" Pepper repeated incredulously. "Of what?" she asked.

"Of losing you forever…" Jarvis responded softly.

And the truth finally hit Pepper. For five years, all he had to hang on to was hope. Hope that their relationship was not really done! So here it was that not only was he a damned stupid moron for pushing her away in the first place but he was also a scared stupid moron. Scared to lose her permanently! He had been scared that she would have died if she had stayed with him, but he had also been scared that she somehow would have forgotten him, that she had somehow given up on him.

Pepper slowly laid down the bed and curled herself into a fetal position as she started to sob again. For the first time, in 48 hours, she realized just how hard it had been for him too, that he had been miserable, that he had missed her, that he had thought about her a lot and most of all she realized that for the past five years he had been all alone. At least, she had her mother and Dane to love and keep her company for the past 5 years, but what about Tony? Who did he have? His parents were dead. All he had left was Rhodey, Happy, Jarvis and the bots, but it just wasn't the same as having someone to hold, love, and love you back. After few minutes of crying silently, Pepper finally fell asleep completely drained both physically and emotionally.

In his workshop, Tony was just sitting in his armchair, a single piece of paper in his right hand. This was not just any piece of paper; it was the most important thing in his life for the last 5 years. He knew all the words by heart now, but he still found himself reading it again and again. This piece of paper was the only part of Pepper that she left for him, and reading it had helped him to survive the years since she had left him… And now that he had found her again, the meaning of the words on the piece of paper started to change slowly…