英语笑话

倒霉的蚂蚁

Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill（蚁冢）.Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot. So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?" Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball." 从前有个高尔夫球手，他把球打到了一座蚁丘上。 他没有移动球的位置，而是决定就地击球。于是他使劲一挥球杆，尘土和着蚂蚁，四处飞扬。所有的东西都动了，除了那只球，它呆在原地，一动没动。 于是，他准备再次出击。又是一阵尘土飞扬，蚂蚁们也再次跟着遭殃。而高尔夫球还是纹丝不动。 两只蚂蚁幸免于难，一只晕晕乎乎地对另一只说：“哇，我们怎么办啊？” 另一只蚂蚁说：“我不知道你怎么想，但是我准备爬到那只球上去。”

勇敢的猪的下场

I lived in DC when I was young, and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He’d just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there. Dad was chatting up a farmer’s wife once，when I discovered this pig... It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well, I was as curious as could be, so I asked the farmer:"Excuse me, sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?" "Well, boy. That is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night, when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive." "And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?" "Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids." "Then why does the pig have a wooden leg?" "I told you, boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!" "Yes, sir. But why does he have a wooden leg!" "Boy, a pig like that, you don’t eat all in one sitting!" 我小的时候生活在华盛顿。到了周末，爸爸常常带我们到南部的卡罗莱纳州去玩。正是在那里我们看到了什么是“真正的生活”。爸爸会沿路开一会儿车，然后把车停在路边，找农场里的人聊聊天。 正当爸爸和一个农妇聊天时，我发现了这只猪…… 那只猪很漂亮，可只有三条腿，右后腿还是用木头做的！我对这点很好奇。于是就问那个农民：“先生，为什么你的猪有一只木头腿啊？” “是这样的，孩子。这是一只勇敢的猪。有天晚上，我和妻子正在房里睡觉时，这只猪跑进来叫醒了我们，我们才知道房子着火了。我们立刻跑了出去，才保住了性命。” “这只猪的腿是在那场火灾中烧坏的吗？” “不是的，它完好无损地跑了出去。实际上，它甚至还跑了回去，把我们的孩子也救了出来。” “那为何这只猪会有一只木头腿呢？” “我已经告诉你了，孩子。那是只勇敢的猪！一只英勇的猪！它救了我们全家人的性命！” “是的，先生。可是为何它有只木头腿呢？” “孩子，像这样的猪，我们是不舍得一次就把它吃光的！”

爱因斯坦与上帝

Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord..."God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." "Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute." 爱因斯坦登上西奈山与上帝近距离交谈。仰望着上帝，他问道：“神啊，一百万年对于你来说相当于什么呢？”上帝回答：“一分钟。”爱因斯坦问：“一百万元对于你来说又相当于什么呢？”上帝回答：“一分钱。”爱因斯坦问：“能给我一分钱吗？”上帝说：“请等一分钟。”

Expensive Price 昂贵的代价

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。