英语笑话

Sharing the Apples分苹果

Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his mum. share them with your sister, she said. so harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one. cor! said his sister, if mum had given them to me i’d have given you the large one and had the small one myself. well, said harry, that’s what you’ve got, so what are you worrying about? 妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。 所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。 哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。 对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗？还着什么急呀？

Bedtime Prayers 睡前祷告词

Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "please god," she said, "make naples the capital of italy. make naples the capital of italy." her mother interrupted and said. "julie, why do you want god to make naples the capital of italy?" and julie replyed, "because that's what i put in my geography exam!" 朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝，求求你，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。” 妈妈打断她的话说：“朱莉叶，为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？” 朱莉叶回答道：“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”

Keys？ Kiss？钥匙还是接吻

A friend of mine was giving an english lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the united states. after placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. the class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an italian student and said, "give me the kays." the man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "give me the kays." the italian shrugged his shoulders. then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks. 我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。

The Same Service 同样的服务

A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. "when i was first married, i was very happy. i'd come home from a hard day down at the shop, and my little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers. now everything's changed. when i come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife barks at me." "i don't know what you're complaining about," said the counselor, "you're still getting the same service." 有位结婚十年的男人，正向婚姻顾问请教。 “新婚时我非常幸福。在市区的商店里累了一天，回到家里，小狗围着我又跑又叫，妻子忙给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。小狗给我叼来拖鞋，妻子对我又喊又叫。” “我不知道你有什么可抱怨的，”顾问说，“你得到的服务还是同样的嘛。”