英语笑话

Three Surgeons 三个外科医生

Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "a man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "today that man is a concert violinist." "that's nothing," said another. "a guy came to me who had his legs cut off. i stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner." "i can top both of you," said the third. "one day i came on the scene of a terrible accident. there was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. today that man is seated in united states senate." 三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。” “这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。” “我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。”

New Discovery 新发现

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!" 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来！”

Are you a normal person?你是正常人吗？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug." 参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？” “呃… …”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”，参观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。” “错了”，“院长回答”“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

Mother Mouse鼠妈妈

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. she watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. mother mouse barked fiercely, "woof, woof, woof!" the cat was so terrified that it ran for its life. mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "now, do you understand the value of a second language?" 老鼠妈妈带着孩子们散步的时候看见一只猫躲在树丛后面。 她盯着猫，猫盯着鼠孩子。 鼠妈妈狂吠，“汪，汪，汪！” 猫惊慌失措赶紧逃命。 鼠妈妈转过来对孩子们说，“现在，你们懂得第二语言的价值了吧？”

乱八九糟这个月打算发英语笑话

乱八九糟是有汉语意思的

乱八九糟主要他凑数字强（小声逼逼）(›´ω`‹ )